It had to happen and it has. Me history of the fake vatican letter has gone viral and in ‘The newspaper‘, a newspaper where I make a living writing about science and other brainy things, they have asked me to explain a little more about this great chapter of my family anecdotes. So, without further ado, here goes a extended version of this Neapolitan soap opera.
The other day my mother calls me and says: “A certified letter has just arrived for your father from the Vatican.” A letter. Certified. From the very Vatican. For my father, who hasn’t set foot in a church since his first communion. And of course, that’s where the speculation began…
– Valentina Raffio (@raffiovalentina) February 20, 2022
The story starts the other day. And I say another day because I don’t remember very well when it was. She calls me my mother, my most holy and devoted mother, and she tells me that a registered letter for my father from the Vatican. A letter. Certified. From the Holy See. Home of the Pope of Rome and highest institution of the Catholic Church. The equivalent of a ‘Disneyland’ for the branch of my family that goes to mass every Sunday and prays every night before going to sleep. Getting a letter from the Vatican is news in itself. But it is even more so if you see that it arrives in the name of a person who has not set foot in a church since his first communion and who, if you ask him, He will tell you very proud that his only faith is football and Maradona. And yes, that’s my father. Iconic where they are.
The fact is that, at this point in the story, we already had all the ingredients for the drama. In my house, in fact, if we are experts at anything, it is in speculating, staging dramas and laughing at ourselves. That’s where the speculation started. what could be inside the mysterious vatican envelope. I, for my part, said that surely it was a summons for an exorcism. Of the kind ‘gift voucher for a massage‘ but to remove the demon from within. My mother, a saint like herself, said that perhaps it was a reminder to go to Mass because “given these times it is always good to stand up for a bit and say a prayer.” And my father, who if anything has taught me in life is that there is nothing better than laughing at oneself, he bet that it was a candidacy to be the next pope. Because humility also lives.
In my family we are drama. So before we solve the mystery we speculate a lot. There were even those who said that it could be some kind of inheritance, a certificate of sanctity or a pass not to go to hell. It was all jokes until the day came to go collect the letters
– Valentina Raffio (@raffiovalentina) February 20, 2022
Then came the first ‘plot twist’ of this story. Like any self-respecting Neapolitan family, we have several WhatsApp groups to share our stories and fight over who makes the best ragu of all And that’s when, questioning others about this mystery, we discovered that several people in my family had also received certified letters from the Vatican. As far as I know, today at least two guys and three cousins have been graced with those envelopes. There began the second round of speculation about the contents of the envelopes.
Were we about to become the first family sanctified in ‘pack’? Had we finally received some passes not to go to hell? Or were we about to become the protagonists of a thriller in the Holy See? We speculate a lot and laugh even more with the famous letters. At this point, many of you may be wondering If it wasn’t easier to go look for them at the post office to keep fueling the drama. And, forgive me for saying, but if you ask this, we can no longer be friends. Drama first, reality later.
Several days passed before my father was able to fetch the mysterious letter from the post office. And that’s when the hare got up. The Pope of Rome did not want to be our friend. And neither family beatification nor exorcism seemed to be just around the corner. The envelope, sent from ‘Poste vaticane’, the postal service of the Holy See, was neither more nor less than a traffic ticket. for parking wrongspecifically. Posts to dig into the wound, also say that the real miracle in Naples would be to park well. But hey, that’s another story.
It was traffic tickets. Fines. Of traffic. It turns out that the Naples police have realized that if you send registered letters from the same city, people will not look for them because they imagine that they are bad news. So now the letters are sent from ‘Poste Vaticane’ pic.twitter.com/Jbi1ttx9dg
– Valentina Raffio (@raffiovalentina) February 20, 2022
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That’s how we found out that the Naples City Hall use the Vatican postal mail as a decoy to deliver traffic tickets. Is this a system exclusive to my city? I do not know. Is it a technique frequently used to deliver bad news? I have no idea either. Have they stolen this idea from the famous Simpsons episode in which Chief Wiggum summons the thieves of Springfield telling them that they have won a prize? Just to keep the drama and the laughs going, we’re going to say yes. At least in my case, I can only tell you that receiving a letter from the Holy See was reason enough for my relatives to go looking for the envelopes thinking they were going to become saints and return home with a traffic ticket. That, in my house, is synonymous with a great story to tell during Sunday meals.
For your peace of mind, especially for that of Twitter haters, I can tell you in advance that the fines have already been paid. And no, it’s not like my family is into street crime and third-row parking. It is that we are many (very many) and, by pure statistics, we had to receive several fines per family nucleus. All speculations, blasphemies and other anecdotes are from the family. Brand ‘Raffio’, so to speak. Because if we Neapolitans like something, apart from pizza and football, It’s the drama and the good stories.
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